In your hallucination, were the "C"s open or closed?

Boss #6 is back in the office after a case of pneumonia.

"You know," he said, "When I was laying there - sick, sweating, not knowing where I was - I think I was hallucinating, because I looked into the closet and I swear I saw a Coach purse."

"Doesn't your wife have a Coach purse?"

"This was different."

I want you back.

Dear Dish Network SmartCard:

I am coming for you. Hang on.

My television warned me that I needed you, or my cable would stop working. Still, I didn't watch for you in the mail. That was my fault. Sure, I could call my cable company and have them send a new card, but that could be 4...5...maybe 6 or more days without television. So that's not going to work. Besides, I know exactly where you are. Just hold on.

Love,
Unfortunate


Dear 96-Gallon Trash Bin:

I wish I had rolled you out to the curb last week. Or the week before. Because now you are quite full and you smell unpleasant. And I am about to do something very shameful to get my cable television back.

See you soon, with a surgical mask and rubber gloves,
Unfortunate

Indecent Proposal

I watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" last night and it made me hope for one thing:

If a guy ever proposes to me, I want him to be shirtless.