Death And All His Friends

I saw my client on the news this week...dead. I've had a few clients die in my four years as a lawyer. I've already been trained to check the Inmate Record at the county jail every morning to see if any clients were arrested the previous day. Now, I'll probably start reading the obituaries, too. Just in case.

There's nothing funny about my clients dying, and I'm not intending to make light of it. I just thought I'd take a minute to remember them here.

#1 - You had some problems. You claimed that in the 80's, your junior high principal made you sign a confession for an FBI agent admitting to stealing your friend's babysitting checks. I doubt it, but I'm still sorry I couldn't help you more. I'm also sorry I could not recover lost earnings for you of $5,000 per week that you would have earned as an exotic dancer but for the same FBI agent harassing you at the strip club. I don't remember exactly how you died, but I always liked talking to you. You told good stories. RIP

#2 - I procrastinated for so long on your real estate case that you died of natural causes before I could finish it. Let this be a lesson to us. And by "us," I mean "me." You were a very nice man. I will probably have to work on your case for free for the next 10 years, just to get it off my desk. But that's my own fault. RIP

#3 - Your photo on the news looked like it was taken at Glamour Shots. You had a really foul mouth for a pretty girl, and I sort of liked that about you. Also, your name was Heaven, which is ironic because I seriously doubt it, if you know what I mean. RIP