I got a letter from my health insurance company today telling me how to get pregnant.
"Dear Unfortunate Lawyer: We have analyzed medical claims data that indicate you might be interested in or are pursuing treatment for infertility. We want to make you aware that UnitedHealthcare has infertility services available to you..."
Wow, UnitedHealthcare. Wow, did you ever get that one wrong.
"You and your partner have access to a network of superior services...etc, etc...we look forward to helping you on your journey."
Really? Do you? Because I could list 1,000 things that I want right now, and exactly none of those things would be "baby." In fact, if there's one thing I dislike more than the sound of children playing, it's the sound of children singing. And if there's one thing I detest more than the sound of children singing, it's the sound of babies crying. But sure, let's do this. Let's embark on this beautiful journey together. A journey that started, apparently, with me changing my birth control prescription, and progressed to you writing me letters about my unwanted child and a "partner" that I don't have. Thanks. I can't wait to see where we go from here.
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And now you're finally posting again! Are you coming to "*$@@&'!" wedding (it's in code for secrecy, see)? Please, please come. I will promise to stop you from hooking up with anyone inappropriate--like the maid of honor's boyfriend.
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