I want you back.

Dear Dish Network SmartCard:

I am coming for you. Hang on.

My television warned me that I needed you, or my cable would stop working. Still, I didn't watch for you in the mail. That was my fault. Sure, I could call my cable company and have them send a new card, but that could be 4...5...maybe 6 or more days without television. So that's not going to work. Besides, I know exactly where you are. Just hold on.

Love,
Unfortunate


Dear 96-Gallon Trash Bin:

I wish I had rolled you out to the curb last week. Or the week before. Because now you are quite full and you smell unpleasant. And I am about to do something very shameful to get my cable television back.

See you soon, with a surgical mask and rubber gloves,
Unfortunate