34. Or more.

I just finished a 4-day trial on the case from which this blog gained its name. After 19 months of litigation, 350 billable hours, and $52,500 of unpaid fees, here is what I have learned:

1. When you argue in front of the 7 justices of the state supreme court, it is best to remove the stickers from your notebook that depict strips of bacon and eggs cooked over-easy. (Also, to leave your Dr.Pepper Lipsmacker in the car.)
2. Don't make fake "snoring" noises when opposing counsel calls her 12th witness to the stand.
3. When you can't find the document previously marked as Exhibit E, do not suggest that the Judge may have "misplaced it." (even if he TOTALLY did)
4. If you try to keep a running tally of the number of times the word "softball" is said on the record at a lesbian-themed trial (because you think it's funny), you are probably going to miss something.
5. The number of lesbians who want you dead can no longer be accurately determined by counting the names on a mass email, and may increase exponentially without warning.