Her lovin' is a wild dog, she's got the look.

Moments after he announced to me and Brad that being on the State Fair Board is "like Heaven," Troy's mood turned. He was beside himself.

"Heather and Cory had sex on my couch on New Year's Eve." He seemed certain that the catastrophe had occurred.

"Eww. How do you know?" we asked.

"Alissa told me." He said, disgusted and shaking his head. "Can you believe that?"

"Wow. So Heather told Alissa that it happened?"

"Well, yes. She indicated it."

"Indicated it?" Brad clarified. "How did Heather indicate to Alissa that she had sex with Cory on your couch on New Year's Eve."

"A wayward glance."

Well then. That settles it.

This is a Short Man's Room

Boss #5 and I are usually the last two people in the office at night. Yesterday, he asked if I was staying late.

“Yeah. I have a client coming in at 6:30. Why? Do you need me to write that motion for you?”

“No," he said. "I need to throw out my computer monitor and I don’t think I can reach the top of the dumpster. Can you lift it up there for me?”

“That is the weirdest thing you have ever asked me to do.”

“If that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever asked you to do, I feel really good about my level of professionalism at the office.”

34. Or more.

I just finished a 4-day trial on the case from which this blog gained its name. After 19 months of litigation, 350 billable hours, and $52,500 of unpaid fees, here is what I have learned:

1. When you argue in front of the 7 justices of the state supreme court, it is best to remove the stickers from your notebook that depict strips of bacon and eggs cooked over-easy. (Also, to leave your Dr.Pepper Lipsmacker in the car.)
2. Don't make fake "snoring" noises when opposing counsel calls her 12th witness to the stand.
3. When you can't find the document previously marked as Exhibit E, do not suggest that the Judge may have "misplaced it." (even if he TOTALLY did)
4. If you try to keep a running tally of the number of times the word "softball" is said on the record at a lesbian-themed trial (because you think it's funny), you are probably going to miss something.
5. The number of lesbians who want you dead can no longer be accurately determined by counting the names on a mass email, and may increase exponentially without warning.

Time to burn, Lots to learn

When I received an invitation today from friends wanting to get together soon, I realized with chagrin that I was able to confirm my availability for 12 of the next 13 evenings.

I had a similar experience last year when a glance at my calender revealed "Watch Troy's Cat" as my only social event* scheduled for the entire month of October.



*That's right. Social event.

So you don't want to go out?

My friend Joby's new strategy for fending off undesirables at the bar involves telling them that we're married.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologizes. "I'm actually married. My wife's name is Unfortunate Lawyer. She's really tall. We have a daughter named Jessica."

I think he'd probably get away with it if he didn't consistently follow up by elaborating, "Jessica fell into a well when she was younger. She was stuck in there for a couple of days."