"It sounds like you'll at least have a new pillow to cry on." - Guest-Blogger

Thanks to my friend, who is choosing to remain anonymous, for the following response to my mother's warnings about the weather/ditches. It makes me feel better, somehow.

Oh dear…

Ominous warnings indeed. 10-20 inches of snow!? Good heavens, where does your mother get her forecast---weatherarmageddon.com? My family is equally on high weather alert. There has been much communication and I have forwarded no less than two news articles to my sisters updating them on the forecast and how it impacts departure for home. I have moved up my own departure to this afternoon, ahead of my reckless sister and brother in law who aren’t leaving until mid-morning tomorrow when the news claims there will be a surge of warm air that will de-ice the roads and bring momentary tropical conditions to the interstate in advance of the storm’s next phase.

I had a very involved conversation with my sister this morning concerning not only weather, but the mounting emotional stress and strain of my family this Christmas. It should prove interesting. My father has been spending time on the roof in a perilous and somewhat hopeless attempt at thwarting a leak in the ceiling that has caused much concern and lead to the repositioning of the living room couch. The build up of snow has proven too much for the shingles, and the forecast is obviously threatening that the drips will only continue, which will lead to my father snow blowing a path through the backyard to make room for his truck so that he can use it as an anchor to position his ladder so he can climb onto the house. All of this naturally concerns my mother, not so much for the fact that her 71-year old husband will be spending more time on top of the house this Christmas than Santa Claus, but for its sheer inconvenience at a time when she needs the house to be at its most homey and hospitable. Naturally, my sisters are terrified of the thought of Dad scaling the house so there has been much scolding back and forth.

This is also the first Christmas for my mother since my Grandma died, which adds another layer of emotion. My pregnant sister doesn’t deal well with emotion anyway and has already declared she will be of no comfort to Mom whatsoever for fear of going into labor. Christmas Eve church service tears are inevitable so I have been nominated as the emotional buffer. To top it all off, my mother remains worried about me, my health, and that I will spiral into depression at any moment circa 2006 because I am gay and have an overactive colon. I’m sure everyone just wishes I had a wife to make it all better.

In spite of it all, I am looking forward to being home and hope everything goes off without a hitch. And I hope that your festivities prove worth the dangerous journey as well, and that your gifts will not be distributed to the needy. If they are, it sounds like you’ll at least have a new pillow to cry on…

Travel safe and don’t dilly dally on your departure. I expect updates as to your progress when necessary and convenient. A very Merry Christmas to you as well.

Christmas in a Ditch

From: MOM
Date: Tue, Dec 22, 2009 at 10:42 AM
Subject: Christmas
To: Unfortunate Lawyer

If you want to spend Christmas at the farm, you better get out of there asap on Wednesday. If you wait till afternoon, you and your sister will either be stuck there for Christmas, in a ditch between here and there, or in a motel somewhere. Wednesday afternoon it is supposed to be very windy - freezing rain, and snow starting - and we are going to get 10-20" from Wed until Fri night. Could another lawyer do your afternoon court thing for you? Can you move it to next week because of the weather? Let me know what is up....OK?? I bought some pillow fabric for your sister; if she doesn't like it, that's OK. We'll at least practice making pillows with it. Hope to hear back from you. LUV MOM

From: Unfortunate Lawyer
Date: Tue, Dec 22, 2009 at 10:46 AM
Subject: Christmas
To: MOM

We can leave right after court tomorrow. I should be done by 2:30 or so. No one else can cover it, and they won't continue it because my client has to go to jail tomorrow. They assume that asking for a continuance is just a ploy to keep him out of jail for Christmas. We'll leave as soon as possible.
Love, Unfortunate


From: MOM
Date: Tue, Dec 22, 2009 at 10:53 AM
Subject: Christmas
To: Unfortunate Lawyer

Tell the judge to make it short & sweet.....Dad will talk to you later, when you leave about which route to take to avoid the most snow and ice. Call when you leave.... IT WILL BE BAD, SO GET YOUR BUTTS OUT OF THERE ASAP!! Otherwise, I'll just have to give your gifts to the needy in town. Later--LUV MOM. PS: just talked to your sister and she is good with the pillow project.